9.18.2012

On School Days & Bullying

It's been almost two weeks since big brother stepped into the world of public education and all seems to be going well.  He's still excited to go every day, has fun stories when he gets home and is enjoying this concept of 'homework.' HA!  I chatted with his teacher the other day and it sounds as if he's as empathetic, entertaining, energetic and outspoken as ever - needing to learn that shouting 'excuse me!' at top volume does not give you a free pass to interrupt.  He's coming home with some great gems about 'respecting others' (slowly learning not to interrupt) and 'zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket' on being quiet.  Subjects I've tried to impress upon him for years and, apparently, it takes the almighty Kindergarten teacher to have those concepts become gospel. 

The one thing that I try my hardest to drill into his psyche is to be KIND.  Being nice to others will get you far, in my opinion.  He's had his ups and downs, being a very SPIRITED and sensitive kid (lots of hitting at three when he didn't get his way, defiance around age four, and that doesn't seem to be losing steam at five).  But, even at just over a year old, I remember him trying to hug and cheer up another toddler who was crying at the park.  Or, at four, introducing himself to the shy new kid at the Y and inviting him to play; my favorite teacher giving me one of the best compliments a mother could receive, "he's got such a big heart." 

In a way, my desire to impress kindness upon him stems from my own need for other's acceptance (which I think he's inherited) and my fears for him and baby girl as they start their school journey.  You just hope that if you are kind unto others, they will be kind unto you (and LIKE you).  I had a very hard time in the Junior High years, as everyone did, I'm sure.  Although, I experienced what a lot of people nowadays would categorize as bullying: being 'de-pants-ed' in the middle of a hallway or even in a soccer game, being called names repeatedly and to the point of distraction in class (specifically 'suey' because, apparently, I have a pig nose), had food thrown at me on the bus, etc.  All the while, I just wanted to fit in and be liked.  Whoo, that's not fun to type and think about...   And I let those people get a rise out of me, would leave school crying most days.  It breaks my heart to think about that girl and my poor mother picking me up from school.  And it KILLS me to even think about anything remotely like that happening to my kids.  Based on my life philosophy, though, everything happens for a reason.  Maybe I'm meant to pass these stories on to my kids because, God forbid, one of them might try to be the bully one day. 

Today one of the girls at the bus stop told me that my son was yelling at some kids on the bus yesterday.  When I asked him about it, he told me that there were older kids that were shouting at him "don't sit there!  I don't like you!" and being mean, so he yelled at them to "Stop that!  I don't like that!"  And the girl's mother confirmed there's a bit of a bully on the bus who's been mean to her child, too.  My first reaction was, seriously?  It's starting already??  And my second reaction was, GOOD FOR YOU.  I wish with all my heart that I'd been able to stand up for myself in my tween years, let alone at five.  When he got off the bus today, I asked how it went in the morning (when he rides with the big kids) and he said fine, because he decided to sit far away from those kids.  I told him that that was a great idea and that he made a smart decision. 

Yes, we all wish we could put them in a bubble until they're out of Junior High, at a minimum - thankfully, all that stuff dissipated for me by the time high school rolled around.  And yet, what a learning opportunity those mean kids have given my five year old.  That which does not kill us...  Of course, if it keeps up for any length of time, I might just have to go all 'Helicopter Parent' and report that shit to the school.  Just keepin' it real here. 

For more info: www.stopbullying.gov

9 comments:

  1. Ahh man, its really disheartening to hear this all starts at age 5 on the bus, within the first weeks of school.

    On another note, I loved your line about the "Almighty Kindergarten Teacher...Gospel" Hilarious, to which I laughed out loud.

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    1. haha, maybe it's due to our lack of organized religion in our lives that the K teacher preaches the gospel...? ;)

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  2. Great post Andrea! I am with you that I hope Zeke doesn't become a bully (or get bullied). I want so much to protect him but know in the end he has to protect himself to become a better person ultimately. SO HARD THOUGH!

    I was bullied in jr high and high school too. Sucks. What is sad is usually bullies are being bullied at home so they don't know any better and it makes them, oddly, feel better about themselves.

    Glad school is going well so far and Big Bro is making good choices.

    Lisa

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    1. Thanks Lisa! BTW, glad you've been bloggin' again - it's been fun keeping up with you over at Sunday Pizza :)

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  3. These are sure to be even harder years than our own, watching our own children go through what we all know is coming during the school years. I always tell my daughter, if someone is doing or saying something to you that you don't like because it seems mean or hurts your feelings, just immediately walk away. Or go away. Ignore them. There will always be a mean kid or a bully in every class, on every bus, and in every hallway. One of the reasons I put my daughter in Taekwondo this Fall was to help her learn confidence (and self defense for later years). The martial art teaches respect, yet also instills a confidence. I'm hoping it will be something that can help her rise above and get through some of the trickier years. She had one kid at Y camp this summer who told her that he didn't like her name and then proceeded to pester her all day long (probably not a bully but more of a pest). Sometimes, the good ol' eyeroll and 'whatever' walk away approach is the best thing one can do. Like you, I always tell her to be nice to people, but if they aren't being nice back, immediately just leave them. :-) Fingers crossed your son's bus experience is the only issue he has all year and the rest of the year goes smooth sailing! We all understand as parents how emotional this can become and we want to help our kids get through these situations.

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    1. Interesting - I might have to look into Taekwondo...

      Thank you for your thoughtful comments :)

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  4. I worry about this even though my little guy is only 3! He's so sensitive that I worry he will be an easy & fun target for others. Also, he can be a hothead which can then get him into trouble. I've been thinking martial arts will be good for him, too, so am waiting until he can start taking some Y classes or something. I know it's unpopular for me to say, but I think the zero tolerance policy messes up some of the social order. Bullies still get away with bullying but then the kid who sticks up for himself & slugs the bully gets expelled. It seems if kids were allowed to keep each other in check a bit like in the old days, bullies would think twice before opening their mouths, sticking out their foot to trip, or pants-ing...

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    1. YES - in some ways, things are worse, not better. I think totally over-protecting kids is not the answer, dunno what IS, though...

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  5. It breaks my heart to read that you were bullied in Jr. High. I don't understand, I never will, it sickens me to think that kids would go to such lengths to harm another. I wish there were an answer. I hope that you have found a supportive loving group amongst the running and blogging community, I wish we lived closer and we could support one another face to face. Thank you for your kind words today with regards to my situation. Hugs my to my run sister.

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