It's been almost two weeks since big brother stepped into the world of public education and all seems to be going well. He's still excited to go every day, has fun stories when he gets home and is enjoying this concept of 'homework.' HA! I chatted with his teacher the other day and it sounds as if he's as empathetic, entertaining, energetic and outspoken as ever - needing to learn that shouting 'excuse me!' at top volume does not give you a free pass to interrupt. He's coming home with some great gems about 'respecting others' (slowly learning not to interrupt) and 'zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket' on being quiet. Subjects I've tried to impress upon him for years and, apparently, it takes the almighty Kindergarten teacher to have those concepts become gospel.
The one thing that I try my hardest to drill into his psyche is to be KIND. Being nice to others will get you far, in my opinion. He's had his ups and downs, being a very SPIRITED and sensitive kid (lots of hitting at three when he didn't get his way, defiance around age four, and that doesn't seem to be losing steam at five). But, even at just over a year old, I remember him trying to hug and cheer up another toddler who was crying at the park. Or, at four, introducing himself to the shy new kid at the Y and inviting him to play; my favorite teacher giving me one of the best compliments a mother could receive, "he's got such a big heart."
In a way, my desire to impress kindness upon him stems from my own need for other's acceptance (which I think he's inherited) and my fears for him and baby girl as they start their school journey. You just hope that if you are kind unto others, they will be kind unto you (and LIKE you). I had a very hard time in the Junior High years, as everyone did, I'm sure. Although, I experienced what a lot of people nowadays would categorize as bullying: being 'de-pants-ed' in the middle of a hallway or even in a soccer game, being called names repeatedly and to the point of distraction in class (specifically 'suey' because, apparently, I have a pig nose), had food thrown at me on the bus, etc. All the while, I just wanted to fit in and be liked. Whoo, that's not fun to type and think about... And I let those people get a rise out of me, would leave school crying most days. It breaks my heart to think about that girl and my poor mother picking me up from school. And it KILLS me to even think about anything remotely like that happening to my kids. Based on my life philosophy, though, everything happens for a reason. Maybe I'm meant to pass these stories on to my kids because, God forbid, one of them might try to be the bully one day.
Today one of the girls at the bus stop told me that my son was yelling at some kids on the bus yesterday. When I asked him about it, he told me that there were older kids that were shouting at him "don't sit there! I don't like you!" and being mean, so he yelled at them to "Stop that! I don't like that!" And the girl's mother confirmed there's a bit of a bully on the bus who's been mean to her child, too. My first reaction was, seriously? It's starting already?? And my second reaction was, GOOD FOR YOU. I wish with all my heart that I'd been able to stand up for myself in my tween years, let alone at five. When he got off the bus today, I asked how it went in the morning (when he rides with the big kids) and he said fine, because he decided to sit far away from those kids. I told him that that was a great idea and that he made a smart decision.
Yes, we all wish we could put them in a bubble until they're out of Junior High, at a minimum - thankfully, all that stuff dissipated for me by the time high school rolled around. And yet, what a learning opportunity those mean kids have given my five year old. That which does not kill us... Of course, if it keeps up for any length of time, I might just have to go all 'Helicopter Parent' and report that shit to the school. Just keepin' it real here.
For more info: www.stopbullying.gov
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