It would probably seem to anyone perusing this blog that I'm a happy person and that life is pretty darn good. And, well, that'd be a 100% correct assumption. I have a superawesome husband, two kids (one of each!) that are currently being fun and (mostly) behaved, we have a roof (a brand new one, in fact) over our much loved home, plenty of (yummy) food to put on the table and our future looks bright (hubs just got a promotion!). And, yet...
Some days, I'm just prone to The Sads. It's almost as if my body has this toxin that it just has to let out, with a frequency that has waned a great deal over the years, thankfully - but rears it's ugly head every now and again. I've NEVER been the kind of person to notice any change in my disposition each month, but dayum. As I age, I really feel that I'm dealing with PMS on a whole new level. The most random thing can be a trigger: today it was seeing a Facebook picture of a dear friend mid-laugh. I could literally hear her guffaw as I looked at the computer screen and I just lost it and began to cry for missing her. Then I think about how much I miss my mom, of course, and my brother... And there goes my day! I've had that itchy eyeball, tingling nose feeling nonstop. It mostly comes down to a central theme of missing family, friends and sweet home Chicago.
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| big happy laughing smiles (from my reunion weekend) |
Summer is also a big trigger, not only because I'm going a wee bit stir crazy with the kids, but because summer days make me think of my childhood. My thoughts veer towards riding my bike to the pool daily, or taking the train to the zoo. And then I get The Sads about my kids not having the same experiences I did growing up. No field trips to the Art Institute, spending all day/every day at the pool, endless bike riding sidewalks, eating real hot dogs, sledding all day in the winter... Okay that last one wasn't summer, but that's how my mind starts to spiral and within minutes I'm lamenting the fact that they might not get to have the experience of living in the city (sorry Seattle, you're like a big suburb) in those quintessential post collegiate days. And, of course, that's when I reign it in and remind myself that they are not here for me to live vicariously. They will lead their own life and it will not be better or worse than mine, just different. Because on the flip side, I would lament an existence without the mountains, the sweet clean air, being active and outside all year round and really appreciating a snow day.
But the missing feeling lingers. I've mentioned before, that mom friends and my runner friends help fill a really big part of the void. Yet there's just no replacing family, let alone friends who's laugh you know so well that you can conjure it in seconds from a picture. I know I'll visit with them again soon. Some days I just want them in my life every day, and we can't always have everything we want - total first world problems over here, I admit it. However, if you're in the opposite situation and your parents are always in your business or your family is driving you nuts - think of how it could be different. Yes, we think about moving home one day; but at this point, any money we'd potentially make on our house in this market would be gone by the time we paid realtor and moving fees.
Anyhow, I thought that writing this down might help me feel better and it has. I thought about not even publishing it, but what a waste of a post, right? So, if you're bummed out about something right now - hey! I get The Sads, too! I must remind myself to dwell in positivity today (just like I did when that damn roof started leaking) and keep my life philosophy in mind - everything happens for a reason.
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| from Oiselle's Pinterest |
